Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
