i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize