Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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