I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
