im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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