i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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