Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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