we made out on top of his cat.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
