Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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