literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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