She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
