Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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