Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
