so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
