So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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