i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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