You're completely useless in the revolution.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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