What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize