I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
