If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he shaved USA in his pubs
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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