As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
