He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
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he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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