before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he told me I talked like a deaf person
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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