Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
