The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
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Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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