i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
