I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
