I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
