i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
