she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
