I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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