btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter