What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
bring money and cleavage
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
