Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
