i barfeds in our rink
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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