i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
