This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's rum buckets o'clock
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
