On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
