Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
