Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
