This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
