Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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