Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
