really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize