he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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