Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
