he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I need a beard to bite.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
