I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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