If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
