ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
