thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
