Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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