I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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