someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
