left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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