On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
