do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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