I am puke
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
