The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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