booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
