In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
