Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
