the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Your cock deserves a montage
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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