If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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