yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
