I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
